A Typical Smash Bros Fanfic
by Paper Dimentio
Summary: Me making fun of some of the fanfics here in the SSB section of FFnet. WARNING: Lots of flaming towards fangirls and yaoi. Reviews wanted.
1. Chapter 1

**  
**

**A Typical Super Smash Bros Fanfic**

"Oh dear Palutena someone please save me!"

Pit's cries for help echoed down the halls of the Smash mansion, it wasn't long until every Smasher had assembled in the main hall where the screaming had come from. Even though all of them were there only the ones with swords were allowed to talk.

"Hya! Kyaaaaaaa!"

"No Link, I don't see Pit anywhere." answered Marth, who was busy looking at Roy's ass just because it was there.

Roy looked at Marth and thought for a second that he had seen the incredibly-iffeminet-swordsman turn away from him. Roy couldn't help but notice that he thought Marth was really sexy even though he had seen him plenty of times before and had never had a homosexual thought about him in his life. Roy's face started turning as red as his hair, which was really, really, really, really, really, really red.

"I think I heard something in the closet." said Roy who was trying to get everyones attention away from him even though whenever anyone blushes people don't ever actually notice unless they are looking really closely at your face, unbeknowst to Roy, Marth just happened to be looking really closely at his face and had noticed the blush. Marth then began wondering why he was looking at Roy's face and not his ass and/or crotch like he usually did.

Luigi made his one appearance in the entire fic and opened the closet door. Inside Pit was bound and gagged, covered in bondage. The smashers quickly set him free.

"It was horrible! She sneaked up behind me and-" Pit was cut off by a fat, lonely 16 year-old girl who ran up and hugged him. She started screaming in his ear.

"Oh my gosh! You almost escaped! I don't know what I would have done if I ever lost my precious Pit-y Wit-y!"

All the smashers (other than Pit who was trapped by the girl currently drooling over, and on him) backed away.

Marth pulled out his sword. "I've dealt with these creatures before..."

"What is it?" asked Ike.

"A fangirl," answered Marth, "she was probably going to write a fan fiction about one of us sword wielders having yaoi sex with Pit because he looks like an anime character."

Pit somehow managed to stop the girl from orgasming on him and started to talk to her.

"Look, I understand if you are a big fan of mine, I'm flattered! But please, PLEASE, don't force me to have yoiyoi sex with every other male character in Brawl, and at least don't treat me like this only because I look like someone out of (place generic anime #221090987 here), treat me like you would if I had stayed the way I looked in Kid Icarus."

Pit's fangirl gave him a confused look, "Whats a kid icarus?"

Pit ripped her to shreds with his swords.

"Well done Pit!" yelled Roy who began to look at Pit as if he was thinking dirty thoughts about him.

"Thankyou!" said Pit, right before he collapsed on the floor, exhausted from killing his fangirl.

Dr. Mario jumped out from the crowd of smashers. "Time to make my cameo appearance!"

Dr. Mario healed Pit.

"Well, my job as spend-two-sentences-helping-wounded-main-character-without-ever-getting-my-own-god-damned-story-guy is done! See you all next fanfic!"

Marth cut off Dr. Mario's head.

"Only characters with swords are allowed to talk!"

Kirby swallowed a beam-sword and became Sword Kirby!

Kirby: Can I talk?

Marth stabbed Kirby through the eye. "No."

Roy ran over to Pit. "Oh my gosh Pit I was so worried about you!"

Pit got up and faced Roy and blushed.

"Oh...well...gee, thanks."

Marth got really upset and grabbed Roy and dragged him to the other side of the room.

"What do you think you are doing!? This is a MarthxRoy youo fic! You aren't supposed to have feelings for any character but me! Nobody besides the two of us should even get any character development! Ever!"

Roy looked angrily at Marth.

"Don't you know anything Marth!? No yow fic is complete without a love triangle!"yelled Roy.

"You are right Roy, I am sorry. Now that we have had our one fight in this entire fic would you like to confess that you love me now?"

"No way! I love Peach!"

"But everyone knows Peach loves Mario, thats just a plain fact."

"Oh yeah, I forgot. Only idiots would pair me with Peach."

"Well then, shall we have our yoyo scene?"

"Whats a yoyo scene?" called Young Link from the other side of the room since everyone had been listening to Marth and Roy the entire time.

Marth yelled back an answer, "Its when me and Roy have hot sticky sex with each other!"

Ness through away his yoyo.

And so everyone lived happily ever after, except for Mr. Game & Watch and DK. Because Mr. G&W only stars in pity fanfics that only exist because there aren't enough fanfics about him, and DK because he has never been the main character of any Smash Bros fanfic to ever be submitted to FF. Net. and most likely never will.

**Author's Comments: **Well, I've been reading fics here on the SSB section of FFnet for a long time, and there are some great ones here. But there are also a lot of ones that use the same exact crap from other stories over, and over, and OVER again! To be honest this bugs the heck out of me. So I decided to write this, it reflects what I honestly beleives makes up the majority of stories here. Which is a sad, sad, thing. And before I get a ton of comments from people saying I'm homophobic or whatever, I'm not. Its just that MarthxRoy is quite possibly the most popular pairing here, and I am sick of seeing it. Especially since most of them are written by people who have never even played a Fire Emblem game.

I may write another chapter depending on how many positive reviews or flames I get.

**REVIEW!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Another Typical Smash Bros Fanfic**

Young Link ran down the halls of the Smash Mansio-...no. Screw that. I say they live in a castle! Who the heck decided they should live in a mansion anyway!?

Young Link ran down the halls of the Smash **Castle**, a mischevious grin on his face.

"Heehee, even though everyone knows I'm a good kid who always does the best thing I'm going to do something totally mean and cruel because I will think it is funny!"

Zelda turned around the corner and grabbed Young Link as he tried to run by.

"Young Link, I will NOT allow you to pull anymore pranks!"

"Aww...thats not fair! You can read my mind so you always stop me from doing things I haven't even started yet!"

"Actually I just heard you yelling to yourself..."

Meanwhile, in another part of the Smash **Castle**...

Link was going to the kitchen to get something to eat, when he saw Priness Peach eating at a table with Samus and Captain Falcon. Link slowly walked over to the table.

"Hi everyone. Do you mind if I...um...sit with you?"

"Go ahead." said Peach with a smile.

Link sat down next to Peach and blushed. Meanwhile Captain Falcon was flirting with Samus.

"Wanna go to the movies sometime?"

"No."

"Wanna go with me to a theme park?"

"No."

"Wanna show me your moves?"

"No."

"Wanna watch me act like a total jerk who goes after women I don't even know even though in my own series I'm actually a person who **doesn't** disrespect women every chance I get and actually isn't someone who constantly brags about himself?"

Before Samus could answer, Marth came into the room and chopped off Captain Falcon's head.

"Only women and people with swords are allowed to talk!"

Link had confusion written all over his face. "Did the rules change?"

"Yes, you see in this fic the romance couple is straight meaning that the girls are also allowed to talk. If the pairing was yaoi it would be different, but this isn't a yaoi fanfic."

Roy appeared. "Or is it?"

"OH ROY YOU SEXY BEAST!"

The group at the table watched as Marth and Roy walked away to do who-knows-what to eachother's anuses.

Samus got up and left to practice on Sandbag.

Link noticed he was alone with Peach and started to blush incredibly hard.

"Why Link, are you blushing?" asked Peach.

Before more words could be said by the pair, Mario slammed his fist down onto the table.

"Ah! Mario! When did you get here!?"

"Soon enough to see you talking to this wimp!"

"We were just-"

"Shut-a up! I-a don't want to hear it!" Mario yelled as he pointed a finger at Link, "You! Me! The arena! 1-o'clock! Don't be-a late!"

Mario stormed away leaving Link rather baffled.

"What was THAT all about?"

"Its strange, whenever Mario and I are home he acts like normal, but whenever we are here for some reason fanfic writers force him to act like a total jack-ass."

Link got up, "Fine then, if he is going to act that way then I'll defeat him in battle."

"No Link! He'll kill you!"

Suddenly the intercom was heard throughout the Mans- I mean Castle.

"Link, please report to the arena. Link, please report to the arena."

Link arrived at the arena and saw Mario on the other side.

_insert badly written fight scene done in a long chunk of text without any paragraph breaks_

Link walked out of the arena as the winner. Peach ran up to him.

"Link! Even though you just beat up my boyfriend I want to kiss you!"

They kissed.

And then Mario cried in the corner because all of the stupid people who make him a jerk made him lose his girlfriend.

----------------------------

**Author's Note:** Well, due to how many positive reactions I got I decided to make another chapter. Personally I don't feel like this chapter was very funny but I hope you liked it. There will be one more chapter (it will be better than this one I swear) so the story isn't over just yet. Also, sorry for making this chapter so short...

I'd also like to thank everyone who reviewed my story! I really appreciate it! Your the ones that made me decide to keep this story going!

**REVIEW!**


	3. Chapter 3

Author's note:...(sniff) I can't believe I got so many positive reviews. My story even got put into a C2! Thanks you guys, this chapter is for all of you. I'm glad to say that this chapter is the longest and in my opinion the best so far.

**One Last Typical Smash Bros Fanfic**

Link woke up with a shout and jumped out of his bead. He slowly looked around and realized he was in his tree house in Kokiri Forest. He slowly sat back down in his bed.

"What a nightmare...I've been having the same one for months...its such a strange coincidence that this happened the last time evil invaded the world. But its normal of me to not suspect the same thing to happen again and be taken by surprise when it does."

Link went back to sleep.  
  


* * *

Link awoke again, only this time, he wasn't in his room. He was in the Chamber of Sages, Rauru standing in front of him on the Light Pedestal. 

"Link, blah blah long speech about how evil stuff is gonna go down."

"What do you expect me to do about it? Shouldn't Mario be the main character in a story like this? He is the most famous Nintendo character after all."

"Dont ask me, I have no idea why you are always the main character in these kinds of stories. You must leave Hyrule, and travel to many worlds in a total rip-off of Kingdom Hearts and recruit people to help you defeat this evil. You will also have a companion on your journey."

Zelda stepped into view.

Rauru made a bright light envelop the pair of Triforce holders and teleported them out of the chamber. When Link and Zelda could see again they were on a tall mountain covered in snow and ice.

"I guess this is the first world..."said Zelda.

Link looked over and saw Zelda and blushed, she looked so beautiful in the snow...

Suddenly Marth popped out of the sky and tried to stab Link! Link was just barely able to jump out of the way.

"Who are you!? Why did you attack me!?" yelled Link.

"You are in Love with Zelda, that actually makes sense! No pairings are allowed to make sense in Smash Bros fandom!" retorted Marth.

Soon Marth and Link got into a fight of blades, meanwhile Zelda stood off to the side.

Just then the Ice Climbers dropped down.

"Hey! What are you doing on our mountain?" asked Popo.

"And why are those two fighting?" Asked Nana.

Zelda looked at the pair of climbers "I have no idea, but I'm starting to wonder if a friend of mine is in love with me..."

Marth: Die! I will teach you to fall in love with a person that would actually make sense!

Link: Who are you!?

"...Yeah, I think he loves me." Zelda leaned down to Popo. "But what are you and your sister doing on this mountain?"

"Oh, she isn't my sister."

"Cousin?"

"No."

"Girlfriend?"

"Nope."

"What then?"

"Nobody knows, but if you call her something besides my sister people will think you are crazy so lets just go with that."

Marth and Link were still trading blows when Link pulled out a bomb and threw it at Marth. Marth ducked and the bomb flew and hit a pile of snow causing an avalanche.

The group of heroes were sweapt away as the avalanche dragged them to the bottom of the mountain. They all climbed out of the pile of snow at the foot of Icicle Mountain.

When they got a good look at where they were they saw hills with eyes and tall mushrooms.

Popo looked confused. "Since when do we live near the Mushroom Kingdom? We are from a completely different world!"

"Nobody cares about you or your series, or wherever it is you live. They are too busy with me and my relationships." responded Marth, "People just assume you come from Mario because you look kiddy."

A fireball flew from miles away and nailed Marth in the face.

Meanwhile, miles away Mario was backing away from a window.

"Lets see whose kiddy now."

_And so the heroes journied on for many chapters of boring repetitiveness, each one shorter than the last because the author was getting bored of his/her story. Zelda was always getting closer to Link but was also unsure about her feelings which got annoying as hell to everyone else, until at two-thirds of the way through the story she and Link confessed their feelings and fall in love and everyone forgets there was ever any romance in the story in the first place since after they become a couple nobody gives a crap about a relationship in fanfics._

_It was then the heroes journied to Final Destination to confront the last enemy, wow, I wonder who that could be? Hmm. Oh! I bet its Pikachu!_

The group ran towards Master Hand (Master Hand!? Wow, I sure didn't see THAT coming! Its not like he is at the climax of every single adventure story!...haha, I said climax). Suddenly Master Hand easily knocked out every single Smasher except for Link because he is the main character.

"HAHAHAHA!" Master Hand laughed at him, "I easily knocked out every other Smasher and you actually think you can beat me on your own?"

Link beat him all on his own.

Go teamwork.

* * *

Many months passed, when suddenly every smasher was called out of their world to a tournament! What an amazing none-cliche story! Totally isn't an excuse for the author to practice action-scenes without having to worry about making a decent story-line. 

They all battled eachother until the last round, Mario VS. Link, who saw that coming?

Link won so that the author could both have his favorite character win and avoid being cliche. Because having Link be the main character isn't overdone at all.

* * *

Eventually everyone moved into a giant mansion because they were too stupid to live in a castle. 

Master Hand was their supervisor and in charge of Smash matches, and nobody really cared that he was all-powerful or evil. Nobody also cared that Bowser or Ganondorf were there because apparently the two people that could never stop being evil had stopped being evil.

Also, Falco stopped being sarcastic and became more of a jerk than Bowser for no reason, so did Mario and Captain Falcon. And everyone started thinking Marth was a calm collected person because he has blue hair and that Roy was an angry impatiant person because he had red hair, because hair color determines personality.(I'm not kidding,this is what some people base Marth's and Roy's personalities off of.)

It is here that the majority of fanfics of the Smash series begin...as well as a bunch of pairings youd think were imagined up while the writer was high.

Except for SamusxRoy, which _totally_ makes sense.

And so, this is where we will leave our beloved Smashers, damned to an eternity of badly written romance stories featuring the most bizarre pairings imaginable, adventure stories that are all the same, stories that are more random than funny, the many stories that have no action in them despite being based off of a fighting game, stories focusing on 4 or 5 different characters without even mentioning the other 20 cast members, and just one typical Super Smash Bros fanfic after another.

I blame the fangirls.

* * *

**Author's Note**: Well, as sad as it is to see it go, A Typical Smash bros Fanfic is OVER! This was a lot of fun, much more than I thought it would be. I'd just like to thank my reviewers for...well, reviewing. If it weren't for you guys the story wouldn't have made it this far. 

I think with this story I've made fun of every major pairing in smash fandom, but if I missed one or two...oh well.

On another note I am currently planning a new story, remember the part where I made fun of the generic tournament stories with no plot? Yeah, it will be one of those! I feel like such a hypocrite now! XD Be sure to check it out once it is released!

And just one last time...

**REVIEW!**


End file.
